Boundaries Day 5

Asking for what we want and need is an important part of creating and maintaining healthy relationships with others..

However, we can feel afraid to ask particularly if we worry about an unfavorable response from the other person.

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Unfortunately, we can’t expect others to be mind readers and know what we need, no matter how obvious we think it should be. So if we don’t put it out there, it’s less likely that our wants and needs will be met.

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So how do we ask for what we want? It’s important to remain mindful of your end goal, remain on topic, and appear clear and confident in your approach.

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Start by expressing just the facts of the situation WITHOUT assumptions or interpretations attached (e.g. “I stay back at work late three days per week”, instead of “I think I’m overworked and under appreciated”).

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Follow this with an expression of your feelings, ensuring you don’t blame the other person for your emotions, rather, own them as your own (e.g., “I feel stressed when I work so much overtime”, instead of “you make me feel stressed”).

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Ask clearly for what it is you would like, not expecting the other person to know this even if you think it seems obvious (e.g I would really like to leave on time every day).

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Finally, reinforce why this will be useful for everyone involved (e.g., I think if I wasn’t as stressed, I’d work much more efficiently when I’m here and would ultimately get more work done).

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It can then be helpful to check in with the other person, asking for their thoughts on the matter. Often, showing a willingness to negotiate can be useful, however, if you feel your needs really aren’t being heard, ensure you repeat the steps and stay on topic with your goal in mind.

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Will this approach always work? Unfortunately there’s no guarantees. BUT this approach can, in many circumstances, increase the likelihood of a positive outcome.

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See if you can pluck up the courage today to ask for something you would really like, however small that might be. Trying this initially with someone close to you can be a good place to start.

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More on the blog tomorrow.

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Happy Friday

Xx

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#14weeksofselfcarepsychology #misspsychlife #boundaries #assertion #friday

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